Attachment Parenting · high needs baby · Parenting

Raising a dragon…Profile of a high needs baby

 

A few days after Munna’s birth, I knew that he wasn’t an ordinary baby. I had always imagined that babies just lie peacefully in their cribs, happily gazing away at the musical mobile above on their cots. I thought I would easily be able to juggle studies, job and a family. But man was I wrong! Munna challenged that perception and he challenged it hard. Not only that, he has forced me to review my priorities in life and change my whole take on it. That we will talk about later but for now I want to say that I can’t thank enough for the day I stumbled uponΒ  Dr Sears’ “The Attachment Parenting Book”Β .

So what is this High needs baby thing that I keep talking about. Dr Sears has described a High needs baby having the following features:

1) Intense

2) Hyperactive

3) Draining

4) Feeds Frequently

5) Demanding

6) Awakens Frequently

7) Unsatisfied

8) Unpredictable

9) Super Sensitive

10) I Can’t Put My Baby Down

11) Not A Self-Soother

12) Separation Sensitive

Dr Sears goes on to say that all the babies have a “high need” in one or more areas of their life but high needs baby, well how do I put this? He/she extracts every little ounce of energy from your body to make sure that all of his/her needs are met and met right now! (sorry but there wasn’t really a nice way to put it because that’s how it is :)).

Dr Sears’ list is pretty concise but as we have watched Munna grow and reveal his personality over the last 2 years, there are a few things that I would like to add on to it:

 

  • Acute Alertness/curiosity
  • Independent
  • Doesn’t take confinement easily
  • Gets bored quick
  • Doesn’t forget things quick
  • Likes movement
  • Craves touch/attachment
  • Doesn’t take “no” for an answer

And should I add on an infectious laugh and those very bright eyes! Because in the end that’s what keeps me going. It’s my silver lining in the cloud, it’s a reassurance from my baby that mum you are doing just right :).

Do you have a high needs child? What characteristics did you notice in them? Would love for you to add on to the list πŸ™‚

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19 thoughts on “Raising a dragon…Profile of a high needs baby

  1. Well said. And I love that you put in what keeps you going. Many mamas forget that in the heat of the moment. But I like to remember those things with mine. And the laughs, oh my, just absolutely infectious.

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    1. Oh my God subhanAllah! Sounds exactly like my son mashaa Allah. Glad to know “we” are normal or there are ppl like us out there!

      His energy was so much and so intense it overwhelmed me much of the time. I thought babies would just lie down, self soothe, eat, poop, sleep. But man was I terribly wrong. But alhamdulilla I find him being more alert than most kids and as he grows now I see he is quite quite smart…. So I guess all the difficulty is paying off.

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      1. Sorry it took me so long to get to this, I’ve been struggling with my phone to reply to comments, and it just doesn’t want to. However, I’m back on the computer today. YAY!!! That said, yes, the difficulty does pay off. And, as we continue on, all that stubbornness, and focus, and everything else, when directed in the correct place pays off not only when they are older children. However, as adults, they become the leaders, the creators, and so much more. It is well worth it, and each mommy (and daddy) that goes through this will be happy at the end of the race. As overwhelming as it is now, we should enjoy it while it lasts, because it happens all too fast. Soon these years will be gone. Welcome aboard!!! I’m happy you have found us and don’t feel so alone. That is why I started busy buggies. So we all know we’re not alone in this.

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  2. I read that too with my first daughter cos she ticked most of those boxes. She’s almost 3 now and although it’s a lot more manageable, she’s definitely more sensitive and attached than even my 15 month daughter. I think there’s something special about a high needs baby, they need extra nurture and I think that can translate into a highly empathetic and intuitive child inshaAllah.

    Strive through, it passes so quickly. When I did what felt natural, demand fed, snuggled with her in my bed, forgot schedules and rules my motherhood journey became so much more beautiful.
    May Allah swt give you sabr and make lil Munna the coolness of your eyes xx

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  3. My little one is a high news baby. I find it gets easier the older she gets, but when she was wee little I was stressed out! Not so much by her actually, because she was fairly content as long as she was in the wrap, but everyone else stressed me out so bad with all of their “advice”

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  4. Well..i have two Ma sha Allah…elder is a girl and then a boy now Ma sha Allah 3 years old…
    My daughter is high need baby girl as she never compromised on her attention span after arrival of his brother but she was calm and observant…
    Then comes the turn of my little man…..
    Trust me he never sits down for a single moment all the time when he is awake…..
    I mean i am really worried about him as he never listen to me….he does every thing from which we forbade him….and continuously do it again and again….and then yes that part after doing that quickly say sorry ..hug me…with laughs on his face……
    May Allah enable and guide me to have guided kids In sha Allah…

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    1. Ameen!
      Ummeabeeha one thing I noticed with my son is that he will do those things the most at which we get agitated. I guess they like getting a response from us. Once I stop ignore him and stop noticing he stops. And this has worked for me in everything! Have you ever noticed kids don’t like doing those things the most which we want them to do. They pick up on our tension. What I have learnt is to stay calm. It gets them doing almost anything (provided they are well fed and relaxed). The same goes for food. Try it and let me know if it works for you or not πŸ™‚

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  5. Assalamu Alaikum, sister. Thanks for liking my blog. Subhanallah, I’m so glad I stumbled upon yours because my baby checks out the entire list. Not. Kidding. I thought it had something to do with poor time management but I’m pretty much locked in with my tasks. There are a gazillions of things I want to do after giving birth but baby Ayah takes up most of my day. She is not self-soothing at all! She enjoys the company of people rather than entertaining herself with toys. Her alone time with toys only takes less than 10 minutes.

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    1. Walaikumsalam sister. Thank you for stopping by. By son is 2.5 years old now and sometimes still wants my constant attention. If not its just draining trying to keep up with him all day long. Hence finding it a bit hard to keep up with the blog. But it DOES get easy if we accept the way our children are rather than try to change them. I have fabricated my life around the needs of my son, this way he is thriving and I am more at peace with myself too πŸ™‚

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